It hurts the most when the person that made you feel special yesterday, makes you feel unwanted today.
Like the First Time
People spend so much time comparing now a days, they forget that they should look at everything as if it were the first time, that way, everything has a chance to be beautiful.
The world is not there to please you. It’s up to you to please the world.
— Karl Lagerfeld
(Source: kari-shma, via justanothergirliegirl)
Priorities
You know those moments when you need to just kick yourself in the ass and say do it. That’s what I need to do right about now. It just seems like the things I say are starting to become purely air, because I haven’t taken the time to act on them. It’s in these moments that everything becomes jumbled and through a series of events you start to forget what your goals are, and what makes you happy.
All these years, I’ve always pushed people to find what motivates them, to find what their passion is and strive to achieve them. The me from a couple of years ago would never have been able to see the me now and in the situation that I’m in. I used to use everything as a motivator, but as things become so repetitive my drive lowers more and more. I need to search for that next high, that next dose of motivation thats gonna push me to complete everything I need to within the next year. I wish there was just a room filled with fabrics and dress forms that I could lock myself in and just drape for days. I think its just that the side goal that I’ve set for myself to help me achieve the big picture has just taken so long that I feel disconnected from the main goal.
The past year or so there have been so many people that come up to me and ask the same thing, “How’s the designing going?” And I respond with the same thing, “I’m always designing, it’s just kinda put on the side for a little while I get my business degree.” But there’s only so many times you can say the same thing before people start to not take you seriously anymore. I feel like I’m losing my credibility. That high that I got from holding a fashion show in high school is dwindling. The attention, the interest, the energy that people used to give off is disappearing. In their eyes I’m not a designer anymore, I’m just a student now. I don’t know what hurts more, hearing people say, “What happened to studying in Paris?” or the fact that I’ve even allowed this doubt to enter my mind.
I think I just lost sight of the people are always pushing for me, and I’ve let the doubters take over. I used to love doubters cause I would be able to prove them wrong, but more so now I’m second guessing my ability to do that. I think I just need to get recentered and prioritize things better. I need to surround myself again with those people who have never doubted me. Like my best friend Pattie, my confidant David and my family. I’ve had tons of fun these past couple months but I can’t shake the guilt that I’ve somewhat abandoned the people that I’ve mentioned, when in reality they’ve never once turned their backs on me. I think this is the first step that I need to take to help find myself again. Cause at the end of the day, family and the friends that become like family are the only people you need. No artificial, temporary friendships. There’s always going to be a ton of people that I care about that I always want to be there for, I just hope they’re willing to do the same for me when my dark side comes out.
Basically I need to piece everything back together, so I can start taking myself seriously again. Cause I’m not one to just quit, and it annoys me like no other to even think that I’ve let myself doubt what I can do. When my best friend passed away 5 years ago I told myself that I would do anything I set my mind to; to live big and live enough for the both of us. I think I just need to keep reminding myself that that’s the reason why I’m still here. And to not loose sight of that.
